Ethical Guardian
Wanted: people who know when to bend rules without snapping them. Duties include mercy, forgiveness, and the occasional “this exception makes sense.” Must balance compassion with stern resolve. Payoff: the quiet satisfaction of knowing justice survived perfection.
Symbolic Leader
This isn’t about policymaking—it’s about standing at the front with dignity while AI runs the spreadsheets. Duties: attend ceremonies, sign things with an actual hand, embody “us.” Pay is mostly symbolic—but so are crowns, flags, and wedding rings.
Apocalypse Dress Rehearsal Coordinator
Apply if you can schedule zombie karaoke and asteroid potlucks without losing track of the confetti. Duties include making the end of the world fashionably late. Compensation: bragging rights and first dibs on the canned beans if the drills go too far.
🚫 Human Shield Recruiter
Retired forever. No one is hiring people to turn vulnerability into armor. The ad is closed, the job was cruel, and the position is extinct.
Details can be found on our Jobs Board.
Alex Bakerloo 