Cultural Icon
Apply if you can miss a shot and still win hearts. Duties: stumble gracefully, dazzle with flaws, and prove that imperfection is the show. Pay: cheers, boos, and your name etched in highlight reels.
Failure Historian
We need keepers of scars. Duties: collect cautionary tales, frame blunders as lessons, and stop us from tripping on the same rake twice. Pay: the quiet dignity of turning mistakes into maps.
Official Devil’s Avocado
Professional contrarians wanted. Duties: defend absurd positions like outlawing socks or crediting cats with jazz. Qualifications: charm, endurance, and tolerance for eye-rolls. Pay: guacamole and the sweet sound of exasperated sighs.
🚫 Ransom Negotiator
Closed forever. Lives aren’t bargaining chips, and human worth isn’t for sale. The office is shut, the phones are off, and this listing belongs to history.
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Alex Bakerloo 