“To Make America Great Again, Elect Great Americans Again”
-Benji Franklin
The Ghost of Benjamin Franklin Throws in His Hat
Delivered somewhere between a dream and a press conference. Possibly atop the Liberty Bell. The crowds were HUGE! Believe us.
Ladies and gentlemen, citizens and skeptics, patriots and procrastinators…
I come before you not as a ghost from the past, but as a man whose rest has been thoroughly disturbed.
For two-hundred and thirty-odd years I spun politely in my grave—tucking in my cravat, rolling at a dignified pace, hoping you’d work things out.
But lately?
You’ve been keeping me up at night.
Every news cycle rattles my coffin like a damn tambourine.
So I’ve decided:
Enough spinning.
I’m standing.
I’m running.
I, Benjamin Franklin—known henceforth on the campaign trail as Benji Franklin—hereby announce my candidacy for… every public office in the land.
That’s right.
Every seat in Congress.
Every governorship, ambassadorship, water board, and dog-catcher’s office.
I am now a write-in option for all of them.
And I’ll humbly accept nominations to every appointed post as well.
Postmaster General, Secretary of Education, even town library board member. I accept them all, simultaneously.
How, you ask? Easy. As a ghost I can be everywhere all at once. As yourself the more important question.
Why?
Because I made this country great the first time. And someone needs to remind you how it’s done.
Let me be clear:
This is not about nostalgia.
This is not about party or platform.
This is about principle.
You’ve been electing the loudest liars, the richest bullies, and the most polished puppets money can rent.
You’ve mistaken branding for integrity.
You’ve confused grievance with vision.
And while the living bicker, the Republic teeters.
So I’ve returned not to rule—but to serve.
To serve as a mirror, a measuring stick, and a minor inconvenience to the corrupt.
To offer one simple, undeniable truth:
To make America great again, you must elect great Americans again.
And if no great American is on your ballot?
You write me in.
Because I’m not funded by PACs.
I’m not owned by lobbyists.
I have no ambition left to corrupt—only unfinished business.
And I do not come alone.
So consider this my formal return. Not to reclaim power—but to restore reverence for what power is supposed to be. Not to resurrect the past—but to remind the future who paid the deposit on this dream.
I am Benji Franklin, and I’m not just running for office—
I’m running to wake you up.
Let’s make America thoughtful again.
Let’s make disgusted by corruption again.
Let’s make civics sexy again.
And above all—
Let’s make America great again… by electing great Americans again.
Write me in.
Anywhere.
Everywhere.
Because if I can rise from the grave to save this republic—You can get off the couch and vote. And if there is nobody on the ballot you can stand, you can write me in.
Let’s make civics sexy again.
Thank you.
Benji
Now… where’s that baby I need to kiss?
Alex Bakerloo 