This executive order introduces Beautiful Amazing Declarations – Fill In the Blank Style (BAD FIBS™), An Initiative of the Office of Truthful Hyperbole
Signed April 1, 2025 (retroactively)
By the supreme powers vested in me by (deity, singular or plural) Almighty (including, but not limited to, my knack for (quote-worthy exaggeration), my gift for (phrase describing distorted reality), and my hobby of (adjective) dictatorship), I hereby, forthwith, and henceforth (authoritative verb) that all (type of official documents, plural), (another type of proclamation, plural), (plural form of public utterances), (modern form of communication, plural), (concept associated with honesty, plural), and other (catch-all noun) be issued (temporal adverb) as (brand name of truth distortion, trademarked), so as to permit future (noun, singular), (noun, singular), (noun, singular), or (noun, singular) at my (adjective) discretion without the tiresome need to (verb phrase) the (noun form of “issue”).
Hence, all prior (plural noun) are henceforth binding only in (abstract noun), (abstract noun), or (short trendy noun) — whichever best (verb phrase) the executive at the time of (noun form of judging).
So (past participle verb), or perhaps not, depending on (temporal noun phrase).
Footnote:
It has come to the attention of the (title of head of state) of the (nation) that a suspiciously similar enterprise known as (registered brand) has been unlawfully (adverb) pre-invented, thereby retroactively (verb ending in -ing) upon the sovereign (noun phrase) of (parody brand, trademarked). (Legal body) shall be pursued with the full (noun phrase indicating zeal) of the (government department) (satirical subdivision) to ensure that the aforementioned (plural noun meaning pretenders) are (verb phrase of total destruction), or at least until they agree to (verb phrase of surrender) as (punny rebrand, trademarked) in perpetuity.
BAD FIBS™ — Executive Order Concerning Executive Orders (Initial Variant)
By the supreme powers vested in me by God Almighty (including, but not limited to, my knack for “truthful hyperbole,” my gift for “alternative facts,” and my hobby of “improvisational” dictatorship), I hereby, forthwith, and henceforth executively order that all executive orders, proclamations, speeches, tweets, truths, and other utterances be issued retroactively as Bad Fibs™, so as to permit future revision, deletion, contradiction, or denial at my absolute discretion without the tiresome need to reissue the issuance.
Hence, all prior words are henceforth binding only in spirit, mood, or vibe — whichever best flatters the executive at the time of interpretation.
So ordered, or perhaps not, depending on tomorrow’s polling.
Footnote:
It has come to the attention of the President of the United States that a suspiciously similar enterprise known as Mad Libs® has been unlawfully pre-invented, thereby retroactively infringing upon the sovereign intellectual property of Bad Fibs™. Legal action shall be pursued with the full ferocity of the Department of Justice (Truth Division) to ensure that the aforementioned imposters are sued into total oblivion, or at least until they agree to rebrand as Sad Libs™ in perpetuity.
Subsequent variants include:
Angry Trump at 2 AM Variant
By the supreme powers vested in me by whatever cosmic son-of-a-bitch is still awake Almighty (including, but not limited to, my knack for “bullshit with rhythm,” my gift for “creative lying that sounds patriotic,” and my hobby of “half-assed” dictatorship), I hereby, forthwith, and henceforth announce, yell, or otherwise spray-paint into the void that all executive orders, press conferences, rants, tweets, truths, and other noise be issued retroactively as Bad Fibs™, so as to permit future backpedaling, gaslighting, rebranding, or denial at my sleep-deprived discretion without the tiresome need to pretend I meant it the first damn time.
Hence, all prior words, grunts, and sound bites are henceforth binding only in vibe, tone, or gut feeling — whichever best makes me look less like a lunatic at the time of spin control.
So declared, or perhaps not, depending on tomorrow’s hangover.
Footnote:
It has come to the attention of the Self-Appointed Loudmouth-in-Chief of the United States of Whatever’s-Left that a suspiciously similar enterprise known as Mad Libs® has been unlawfully smugly pre-invented, thereby retroactively trespassing upon the sovereign intellectual nonsense of Bad Fibs™. Litigation, intimidation, or interpretive dance shall be pursued with the full half-tank of outrage of the Department of Justice (Insomnia Division) to ensure that the aforementioned wannabes are roasted, toasted, and ghosted, or at least until they agree to wave the white napkin as Sad Libs™ in perpetuity.
Rambling Trump Rally Variant
By the supreme powers vested in me by my invisible friend Steve Almighty (including, but not limited to, my knack for “making stuff up so I don’t get grounded,” my gift for “pretending I didn’t say that,” and my hobby of “bossy” dictatorship), I hereby, forthwith, and henceforth announce super-loudly that all rules, announcements, apologies, text messages to Mom, truths, and other blah-blah be issued retroactively as Bad Fibs™, so I can change my mind later and not get in trouble.
Hence, all prior words are henceforth binding only in spirit, mood, or whatever sounds cooler — whichever best makes me win the argument at the time of getting caught.
So declared, or maybe not, depending on if Dad’s listening.
Footnote:
It has come to the attention of the President of the Bedroom Nation that a suspiciously similar thingy called Mad Libs® has been sneakily invented first, thereby stepping on the toes of Bad Fibs™. My lawyer (a stuffed dinosaur) shall pursue justice with the full power of staying up past bedtime of the Department of Snack Defense (Cookie Enforcement Unit) to make sure the copycats are sent to time-out forever, or until they agree to say sorry and rename it Sad Libs™ for all eternity.
Alex Bakerloo 