Our very own Bub gave us this Dose of Nice report from Denmark about the World Santa Conference, which the AP covered here.
Bub here.
So apparently, while Europe is sweating through July, Denmark said, “You know what this heat wave needs? Seventy men in velvet, fake beards, and boots designed by people who hate ankles.”
This week in Aalborg, Denmark, dozens of Santas, Mrs. Clauses, and elves gathered for the World Santa Claus Congress. In July. Because nothing says “midsummer tradition” like a man dressed for chimney work trying not to pass out next to a waffle stand.
I love that Santa has a congress. Of course he does. You know they have committees. “The chair recognizes Santa from Oslo.” “Point of order: are we still pretending the reindeer fly, or have we moved to drones?” “The elf delegation objects to the term ‘stocking stuffer.’”
And this thing started in 1957. That means for almost seventy years, grown adults have been meeting to discuss Christmas logistics while children are at the beach thinking, “Why is Grandpa hallucinating in fur trim?”
The best part is: these are professional Santas. Mall Santas. Store Santas. The guys who spend December with toddlers crying in their lap and parents saying, “Smile, Brayden, or Santa won’t bring the iPad.” Then in July they all meet up and say, “Fellas, we’ve got to talk labor conditions.”
I imagine the keynote: “Friends, the cookies are smaller, the lists are longer, and frankly, the children have become brand-specific.”
And somewhere in Denmark there’s one poor actual child watching this parade thinking, “Either Christmas came early, or the North Pole has suffered a catastrophic governance failure.”
But I respect it. In a world of war, tariffs, and artificial intelligence, there’s comfort in knowing somewhere, somehow, Santa is still holding a conference.
Probably with breakout sessions.
“Ho-Ho-Ho: Authenticity or Brand Asset?”
Anyway, that’s all I got from Denmark. Remember, it’s ok if Mommy kisses Santa (as long as they use protection).
PS. We’ve noticed Pained Pamela in the background. I’m sure she has some way of spinning this story for her Dose of Doom series.
Alex Bakerloo 